Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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