i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
