What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
