i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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