The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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