first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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