we're making bets on your personal life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
