Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
