So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize