Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
