he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
