I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
