If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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