in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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