i just wanna soil my oats bro
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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