so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
