you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
