Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
