We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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