she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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