You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
