Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
