People with herpes should wear stickers.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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