she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
