it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I currently don't understand fingers.
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