i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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