Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
