I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
