I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
