Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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