I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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