I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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