I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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