i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
