you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
