I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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