who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
