im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
