conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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