Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
