$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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