did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
