his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
