I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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