somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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