Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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