Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize