peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
