I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
