I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
