my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im just a social blackout drinker.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
