RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
