forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
