Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize