if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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