My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Randomize
