Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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