i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I supernannyed him into submission
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize