I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
