When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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