I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Blood and glitter go together right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
