Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
