Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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