we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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