At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
