in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
