i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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