Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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