This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
