When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
