Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i came on her dog
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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