Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
