drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
