Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
