this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
