Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
