I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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