seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
