Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
