"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
