Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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