She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
