i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
