Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
