are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
