Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
