I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize