these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
