I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
