Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dicks are not precious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
