I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
