So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
