I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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