separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
