Already got asked if we're dating
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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