Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
