You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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