apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
