Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize