Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
