It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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