and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
