I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize