Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
