Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
