I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize