WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
