Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
