I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
