You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
