that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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