C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
