I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
