'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
