ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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