Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
