i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
