I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
