Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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